A Eulogy to My Relationship

The moment you came into my life; I knew everything would take a spin. He and I were happy, exceedingly so. As the months passed, it seemed as if things were getting better and better. We were in love with each other and that love grew each day. People looked at the both of us, they marveled at you, at what we had. There was a noticeable change in my behavior; I looked happier. I had more energy and everyone said it was because of him; because of you. In spite of all that happiness, all that love, it still ended.

The sudden death of our beautiful creation, you, left a void in me that refuses to refill. Everyone asks me if I’m alright and I nod saying that I am when I’m really not. The laughter, the love, the memories, they play in my head like a broken record. I can still see the tears running down your face when I finally left.

It all started when I met him through a friend at work. It was a cold day and the central heating was out. He was sitting around a table with a few of his friends shivering but laughing at something someone had said. Although I didn’t say much his eyes met mine and he grinned at me like I was the best thing he had ever seen. That day forward, we began to talk more, a few glances exchanged and a bunch of late night calls led up to the day he asked me to be his. That was the same day I was introduced to you, my relationship. I remember everyone’s reaction when we got together, some were happy while some could barely believe what was happening.

I still remember the feeling of his fingers intertwined with mine while walking down Fifth Street and looking at all the pretty lights. You would grin and every day I could feel you growing, I could feel you blossoming. We’d make up stories about people passing by and laugh at the silliest things. I was lucky enough to build a life with you and I knew that it would be him and I at the end of it all. But things took a turn that you and I didn’t expect. Neither did he.

We began to argue more, we would run our mouths and say the wrong things to each other. I would cry, he would cry but we loved each other right? You loved the both of us and all of this was tearing you apart. The perfect little world that we had created began to slowly disintegrate right in front of our eyes. We were happy and we thought nothing would tear us apart but then we received a letter. It was from a firm in London and I had to leave in two days. That night, neither of us said a word. The one thing we had tried to avoid for years had finally caught up with us; long distance. You knew that these two words held a lot more meaning those three little words from his lips could ever mean.

I didn’t want to hold him back, I wanted him to grow. You wanted us to stay together and he was willing to give up everything he had worked for. You told me you saw us together in the future and his heart only belonged to me. There were ways to make it work but we realised that we couldn’t afford it.  I was crushed but it had to be done. I began to pack my bags while he sat there staring at me. Every night leading up to the night I had to leave, we said nothing. He cried in my arms and I cried while holding him. We cried for the loss of a future that once surrounded us. Throughout the weeping and the crying, I saw you sitting in the corner staring at the wall.

He dropped me off to the airport and with one last kiss, everything that we had built crashed around us. I walked away and so did he. I saw you standing between us with your head hanging low. I looked at you for one last time and saw everything that I loved. You made my life brighter in every little place you lodged yourself. Even though there were times when we put you in a tough place, you held on to all that love we had invested. You meant so much to me and seeing you grow into the wonderful thing that you were, still brings me joy.

It still hurts when I think about you. I still remember the feeling of you. Everything about you is burned into my brain and I can’t forget it, no matter how hard I try. I miss you, I miss us but its better this way. You made me who I am today and I couldn’t thank you enough. I still sit and mourn the memories wishing that you were there to comfort me. Things without you have been awful and to this day, I mourn; I mourn the death of you, my relationship.

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